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Re: Thanks for everyone's input annierose

Posted by Dinah on January 9, 2008, at 21:42:01

In reply to Re: Thanks for everyone's input Dinah, posted by annierose on January 9, 2008, at 17:55:10

> >>>It's hard to respect someone's feelings about wanting to be left alone while still making it clear that the door is open and the welcome warm should they change their minds. Quite a tightrope.
> Exactly. And right now I don't want to talk to her if I'm just going to get slapped down. So I'm not sure I'm capable of a "warm welcome" but I certainly do not want to lose another sibling in my life.

I think maybe it's possible to combine warm welcome with strong boundaries. For example, I don't really appreciate hearing from my brother, because hearing from him in my adult life seems to end up somewhere I really can't be. But I've been clear that if he wants to open doors without strings, I'm always warmly welcoming to *that*. I don't know if the message has been adequately received or adequately sent, but I know that's how I feel and maybe I should be better at conveying it.

So it's entirely reasonable to not want to talk to someone only to be slapped down. But that doesn't mean you don't want to be warmly welcoming if and when she's willing to talk without slapping you down?

Sigh. Or that may just be what I tell myself. But I really do think that if my brother just wanted my company, I'd really be happy to have that relationship in my life and would be warmly welcoming.

Warmly welcoming with conditions? boundaries?




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