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Missing... JoniS

Posted by muffled on January 8, 2008, at 11:33:48

In reply to Re: What do you think T's do when.... Daisym, posted by JoniS on January 8, 2008, at 8:22:46

Joni,
Over Christmas break, I had a period of time where I was thinking...T is home, with her family, being happy...w/o me :-( WHAT about ME????? Now of course on a rational level I understood this was perhaps silly of me, and I kicked myself accordingly. But then I thot of what my T(and babblers) have said bout being kind to myself. So I tried again to look at my feelings in a kinder way.
So I came to understand that 'yes', maybe I was feeling jealous on some level, but thats OK, it is just an honest feeling and doesn't make me a bad person. I was also feeling maybe abandoned and needy. Again, honest feelings, not a federal crime...
And then I seem to be more able to let those feelings go.
But what I now know(well....most of the time anyways...)is that my T DOES care bout me.
UGH.
Anyways, I don't think she spends all her days thinking of me, but I know sometimes she does think of me.
I know(supposedly anyways...) that she doesn't mind when I touch base with her when I need to. When I am feeling lost.
I know that she does want me to be well. To be the best Muffled that I am able to be.
I know that she will not 'come and get me', cuz thats a boundary. But that she generally is good if I reach out to her. And sometimes her response SUCKS!!!!(LOL!) proly partly cuz I am not being clear, and maybe sometimes due in part to what is going on for her at the time. So I am pretty good at accepting these things now.
I bet over Christmas she DID think of me....(mebbe once or twice anyways....over 3 wks.....hmmmm....grrrr!!!;-s)
Dang, I am, as usual having a hard time getting my point across...
But, I guess what I might be trying to convey Joni, is that I bet your T HAS thought of you. He seems to care bout his clients. I bet he has mulled over all his clients. How could he NOT? Unless he was completely unfeeling, which does not seem to be the case, he MUST have thot about his clients. Wished you well in his heart.
So I dunno what you guys exactly arranged as far as contact?
But CAN you contact him? In an unintrusive way? Like email?
For long breaks I just tell my T happy stuff and say I am OK, and it feels like I am being good to her, and that feels good to me. And then the response I get is usu upbeat too, which is nice. Now the response you get from your T, if any, is likely to be rather unsatisfactory compared to seeing him regular at a session. But thats OK. I find if I go in with low expectations regarding response from T, then its easier to accept a response that is not really what I expected/wanted....
So maybe you could email T and say something along the lines of:
I miss you, but I am doing mostly OK.
I hope you are OK too.
Can you email or send me a voicemail just to let me know your out there?
Thanks.
I have done a similiar thing myself.
Over xmas I sent my T an email that said, Hi. That was it. When she picked it up a few days later, she mailed back and said yes, she was still there in cyberspace,thanks for the mail, and xmas was busy but happy for her. It was nice for me to hear this. It helped for a while.
I feel badly for you Joni that you feel so bad. But remember your feelings, are feelings, and feelings eventually pass. They ease up some over time. Keep trying to do as much as you can to keep busy and be around people that make you feel good.
Its almost like your in a grieving process. What w/T being gone so long.
My thing lately...is when I fussed. I make soup. Good hearty healthy soup. This makes me feel good to nourish my family, makes the house smell good.
Yesterday I made elk soup and just chucked 'whatever' into it, and my PICKY son loved it!!!! Go figger.
Take care Joni.
Wish I could ask you over for a cup of coffee.
M

 

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