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Re: keeping us in mind... twinleaf

Posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2008, at 22:45:25

In reply to Re: keeping us in mind... rskontos, posted by twinleaf on January 2, 2008, at 20:34:06

I hope my therapist is keeping me in mind while I am on break. Unfortunately, I bet I am absent from his mind far more than I would like to be! The real test comes tomorrow... will he remember to call me? I gave him a reminder call today like he suggested last week, so hopefully he will remember. But I do know that I don't think I would like to read a book he wrote. I think I would read waaaaay too much into every single sentence, and I'm sure there would be many things he would say that I would not want to know. Or that I would interpret the wrong way. Or something like that. Good thing I'm in no danger of my T ever writing a book!

I like it when I know my T is really focused on me. One time when he wasn't I got really mad at him as I left. I wasn't really aware of it at the time except that I wanted to storm out of his office before the session was over. But afterwards I figured out it was mad. I told him at the next session and it was really interesting. He said that of course if I felt like he had his own agenda and wasn't listening to what was true for me I would be mad - I'm paying him to be fully present and to pay attention to my truth, and that it was a healthy adult response to get mad if I didn't feel I was getting that.

He was almost delighted (I often notice him hiding a smile if I admit to being angry about something - we've been working on allowing myself to be angry for a while). He said that it was the little girl part that was afraid she would get abandoned if I got mad - afraid of some terrible repercussion. And I really could feel it because when I was wanting to storm out I sat there in tears and sobbed that I didn't want to leave. It's so hard to have those conflicting feelings at the same time.

Anyway, I'm rambling on and on about me, but hopefully there's something coherent and thoughtful in there.





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