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Re: Reentry Daisym

Posted by muffled on January 2, 2008, at 22:10:38

In reply to Reentry, posted by Daisym on January 2, 2008, at 21:43:20

Daisy, I often find comming to T back hard.
For me its more about trust, and maybe anger.
I have to reconnect.
Also, yes, we DO survive w/o T during the breaks, and maybe the breaks would go even better if we didn't spend so damn much time fussing over T while they gone.
UGH. Its seems ridiculous. It seems obsessive.
Is T helping? Or is it just some weird obsession?
Is it just filling this 'need' that I have? but yet not filling it well, cuz T's are there but NOT there for us.
The whole relationship is so skewed and unbalanced.
We go there and at times we are rational competant adults. JUST as rational and as competant as our damn T's. WHY can't we be like that all the time? Why does this inner CRAP keep dragging us down?
Is going to T perpetuating this seeming obsession with all this inner crap?(never mind the whole T relationship being its own weird obsession...)
************SIGH*************
And on it goes....
So,
I still goto T.
Cuz what I goto say I don't wanto say to a 'regular' person.
I somehow want to stop the haunting.
I want to survive.
I want to LIVE life.
I want to be a good Mom.
I want to be a good person.
I want to help others.
And,
at this point, I HAVE improved, but, I feel like I taken a BIG step back, and its frustrating.
I'm not sure I am doing the right things therapywise.
But I KNOW I am still messed up, dangerously(to myself) so.
And if I don't figger out WTF is going on...I will probably not survive.
I've used up all my nine lives and then some...
So I go to T.
And hope for the best.
And yes, sometimes I wonder...
And I make life hard on myself too.
I have had more blessings in this life than any one person has a right to.
But here I am.
Go figger.
I feel for you daisy.
This inner kid stuff is crazymaking.
Take good care and thanks for sharing.
M

 

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