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Walk right in

Posted by Sigismund on January 2, 2008, at 16:28:24

This is a common pattern with me.

Here is the story....

I needed a lead light window fixed. I found someone and we talked about politics (sigh) and then we talked about price, and she said $100 ph, and of course I didn't miss a beat, I just acted like that was OK, and maybe it was. I mean, who was I to say? I was just pleased to be able to talk and make the deal without cracking up. We had the idea that it would take a few hours. 3.5 hours might have been mentioned. So then she rings up and says 'I've fixed it and it's 5 hours, so $500. When would you like to pick it up?' And I completely panic, or rather I go very strange, I can't think, it sounds like an awful lot for a little bit of lead light. And so I get into this terrible state where I can't think, where I'm actually really frightened (why? of what?) like she is going to come and take revenge on me, but I think 'I can't pay $500. It's just too much. I am *never* going to allow myself to get into the situation again'. So OK, I feel really threatened. All I really want to do is (well, if not) please her (then appease her).

So then I can't sleep after 1pm.
I await our conversation with dread and helplessness.
How can I be so hopeless?

Of course I used to much more vulnerable. Once this sort of conversation (with anyone who felt like it) was possible with me.

'I need some money.'
'I don't have any on me.'
'No problem, we can go to an ATM.'
'I don't really have enough to spare you any.'
'I need it and I'm counting on it. You said I could have some.'
'I'm sorry to have misled you.'
And so on.




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