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Re: I'll try not to whine... (triggers..?) JoniS

Posted by DAisym on December 31, 2007, at 15:52:19

In reply to I'll try not to whine... (triggers..?), posted by JoniS on December 31, 2007, at 15:20:23

Oh Joni, you aren't whining. The sadness and pain in your post is so real and so clear. You sum it up so well when you say, "Love hurts, especially when it doesn't love back."

I'm guessing the distance you felt from you therpaist was all about him and the reasons he needed to take a sabbatical. I'm also guessing that you know that already. What really hurts, I think, is that there is all this other stuff going on for him, that you can not be part of, or help with, and yet it effects you greatly. And it reminds you in an inescapable way, that your relationship with him is very limited. I think I agree with not emailing or calling right now. He is obviously going through something and his responses may or may not be helpful. Speaking for me, I don't think I could risk the hurt if he didn't respond well. I'd rather keep missing him sadly, instead of angrily.

Sometimes, as much as it hurts, these are the opportunities to look at our lives and try to see what we can add in that will absorb some of these feelings. Nothing can replace the special bond and relationship, but what else can you do to create connections and add other caring people into your life? Can you turn some of this need towards your husband? If you think about all the work you've done with your therapist over the past 3 1/2 years - what have you learned about yourself that you can use now?

I know how painful this is. I know the dependency and the loving feelings. I also know that therapy sometimes highlights what is missing and only we can force ourselves out into the world to grab onto those experiences that will make us happy.

And we are here too. Write when it helps. You will get through this.
Gentle hugs,




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