Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: Are your therapists open to feedback?

Posted by twinleaf on November 20, 2007, at 1:13:26

In reply to Are your therapists open to feedback?, posted by Dinah on November 19, 2007, at 10:32:21

Yes, definitely. It's at least half of what we do. The other half involves talking about traumas of the past- that part is usually very tear-filled. But we keep circling back to US- there is the room together. I find that, at times, the most terrifying part. He often looks at me, very kindly but intently, and asks, "what?" The "what's" could be my thinking that he looks tired, or that I like the shirt he is wearing, or that he looks happy (and probably had sex last night!), or that I feel rage because I feel he hasn't understood me, etc.). They can also include a range of very private feelings about myself that I absolutely NEVER planned on mentioning to anyone.. It's a very new experience to explore all these things openly with another human being. He is really good at welcoming everything. I have never seen him get uncomfortable or defensive. We exchange feelings and thoughts, and then exchange more and more of them. Often, after a lot of hard work along those lines, we sometimes lapse into silence. During those times, I feel so happy, so connected to him. And I think he feels the same. I feel known, and I believe HE does, too. I hope so.

He told me that, as an analyst, he was not trained to work in this way, but had gradually discovered that it was the relationship itself which was the principal healing factor. That, and the grieving for past losses and traumas. He wants me to go over and over those, as long as I need to.

I think he feels that the relationship aspect is somewhat mysterious, that not all therapists can provide the needed relationship for all patients. Like falling in love, an essential part of it is unknowable- you just can't pin it down in words. He said one day that he wished there were a better way for patients to find a therapist who is right for them than hit-or-miss referrals and descriptions. Because increasing numbers of therapists (in our area anyway) have posted online photos, we began some light-hearted brainstorming about how best to do that, and came up with the idea that therapists should have 500 or 1000 digital photos taken very quickly by someone they feel very comfortable with. No posing for the camera. Then, the therapist should choose the one of himself he likes best- that would be the one to post.




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