Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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What a session today

Posted by happyflower on November 19, 2007, at 11:56:04

OMG, I was crying all through my last minute shower, crying since the alarm went off. I walked into my T's office and grabed the kleenex box and put it in my lap. I was trying so hard to hold it together while waiting in his waiting room, I was so close to falling apart, it it was for his fish tank, I would have been a pile of tears on the floor.

He knew something was up. I talked about grieving all the people in my life, people I lost who I haven't greived fully. grief grief grief. I was also so pissed too. I kicked some *ss in EMDR today with all my anger! There still is some, but I am more relaxed now. I am so pissed that my brother never got a funeral like little Lia. I was pissed that I didn't have parents who loved me like little Lia was. Then I am pissed at all of those people who have done me wrong in life. Thats a lot of anger to hold through out your life. SOme was released today with EMDR.

My T who lost his brother a year ago, was feeling a lot of my grief too when I spoke of my brother I think, he had tears in his eyes. I was a mess when I walked in the door, but walked out at least able to smile.

I think I found my safe place too, somewhere my mom can't get me. My T has a painting on his wall of pine trees, a lake, and mountains, a sureal looking scene actually, it is very old too, so that is part of it. I was having trouble calming down after the EMDR processing, and keep trying to relax my breathing, he mentioned being in the woods of my old safe place.But then I looked around and my eyes fixed on his painting. Then while I was looking at his painting, it relaxed me. I said that painting could be my safe place because it really doesn't exhist anywhere except in his office. My mom can't get me if I am hiding somewhere that really isn't there to get to. BINGO! jackpot ding ding , it will work I think. My T wants to try using it for my safe place.

This was a session I think I will never forget, it was powerful, emotional, and just amazing, and my T was so there for me. I still feel anger and tears but it is at a more tolerable level. The reason I am so angry, at least the main reason, was that I wished I could have been loved as much as little Lia was and I wasn't, and that is a hard thing to grief, something I never had in my life.

I still feel heavy, but much lighter than this morning. I should weigh myself, I bet I lost 100 lbs in that session from the tears and the years of sadness and anger. It was such a touching experience for me.




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poster:happyflower thread:795926