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Re: Are your therapists open to feedback? Dinah

Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on November 19, 2007, at 11:20:17

In reply to Are your therapists open to feedback?, posted by Dinah on November 19, 2007, at 10:32:21

Oh goodness, yes. In fact, if I was forced to put a number to it, I'd say about 50% of our session time is spent on "our" relationship. I have always been (okay.....not 'always'....but say after about 6 months, give or take) frank with him and insistent on knowing if he perceived the same stuff I did about many things - how he sounded, say, looked, different tones of voice, all of it.

In my adult personal history, I've had [allegedly- b/c now I can't see how these could have had "real" emotional intimacy)] intimate relationships where there were 'rules.' No crying. No mentioning certain subjects. No acting too "childish." No touching the other person (not sexual, just affectionate stuff) unless the other person did it first. No saying "the wrong thing," (???) or else = somet form of abusive response. And so on and so forth as nauseum.

So for me, the fact my T. and I are secure in the warmth, mutual respect and commitment to the process, is really healing and liberating. And we wouldn't be doing this without my blunt and challenging style. Thinking back, some of the best, most connected moments in that room started with me examining the relationship, and us going up and down, back and forth till we reached some sort of 'meeting point'

I don't believe I would have stayed with this T. in the very beginning if he'd shown any signs of not being open to feedback. It's too triggering and unhelpful for me to sit in a room, in the sort of space therapy is supposed to be (for me, anyway) with someone who restricts you from discussing what they bring there. It just wouldn't work for me at all.

You're so right, Dinah, about the subtle tone, word choices and so on. It's extremely difficult to show those accurately here.


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poster:Deputy 10derHeart thread:795906
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/795920.html