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Re: Will I or Nill I star008

Posted by Dinah on November 19, 2007, at 9:53:31

In reply to Re: Will I or Nill I, posted by star008 on November 19, 2007, at 8:35:39

I think, to me, growing up has very negative connotations. It does mean losing a part of myself, or losing aspects of myself that I find special and valuable. Growing up seems to me to mean thinking with my head. Being rational and sensible.

And I'm all of those things enough. Why is it needful to be that way more? It's not a very happy way to live life. Maybe not as many lows, but not as much attachment or happiness or any of those things.

It seems to me that growing up brings a certain amount of separation and detachment. And I hate those things. I want to merge, even if it's only in my own mind. Even if it isn't a "true" version of reality. I don't want to be separate. It's too lonely.

I want to believe in magic, because magic makes me feel safe and protected. It's too scary to not believe in magic.

That's why I will not use the term growing up at all. But... growing seems lonely too.

 

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