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Re:(((((((((((((GG)))))))))))))))) annierose

Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2007, at 14:52:04

In reply to Re:(((((((((((((GG)))))))))))))))) gardenergirl, posted by annierose on November 18, 2007, at 7:52:56

> My therapist and I went over more of this "suff" on Friday. We both agreed that this is the crux for my reasons to being there. So we are chipping away at the pieces session by session. In a nutshell what she is trying to say (45 minutes into a sentence or two) - "I have continually told you that I care, that you matter, that I like you. But it only comforts you for a moment or two. The conflict is within your psyche. The push and pull of believing that you are likable for who you are right now vs the old messages that get played in your head from your mother."

That does sound like important stuff. Do you find it happens in other relations in your life?

My therapist says the same thing about me (with respect to his constantly reassuring me and my asking again and again). Yet I don't think I'm that way with anyone but him. I think in my case it has more to do with the artificial circumstances and the boundaries and the fact that he *doesn't* tell me every thought that enters his head so I sometimes *do* pick up on feelings toward me that he doesn't convey unless I specifically ask.

If it's a theme in your life in general it likely is an issue of self esteem and conflicting messages. If it feels right to you, that's what's important.

I never really thought in terms of how lucky I was. My husband and I used to laugh that we were disciplined with the tyranny of high expectations. Our parents thought we were terrific, could do anything we set our minds to (with the possible exception of sports), and were disappointed when we didn't live up to our potential. I sometimes concentrate a lot on the negative aspects of that in terms of knowing that I was terrified of failure (which consisted of, for example, not getting the highest grade in the class). But in the past I haven't given enough thought to the fact that they did both love me, showed their love even if they didn't say it, and thought I was wonderful. More and more I'm seeing the good parts of their parenting in addition to the bad.

My therapist has mostly stopped answering the question of how he feels about me. He takes advantage of the fact that I believe I read him very well to turn the question to me. He asks me if I can detect caring and liking towards me in him. And I always have to confess that I can. Maybe not as much as I'd like, but I can feel it. I guess that's a better answer than anything he could say since he must be pretty confident he's radiating liking and caring and even a smidge of fondness. I don't think he'd have done that at year four.




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