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Re: Sorting out my session today annierose

Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2007, at 13:44:56

In reply to Re: Sorting out my session today Dinah, posted by annierose on November 13, 2007, at 9:55:04

Well, maybe her line is somewhere along Babble's? Statements about your needs wouldn't be criticism, comments about her behavior would be? Not that I particularly see her point, since therapists are supposed to be up to a bit of criticism.

I had the most utterly ridiculous session today where we basically had a fight about two dreams I had about him last week. I interpreted them in such a way as to lead to my oft repeated statement that I didn't like caring more about him than he cared about me. I think in the end he might *finally* have understood what I was saying. That I didn't mean it in the sense that I wanted to hang out with him outside of session, I didn't want him to be a friend, that I valued the therapy relationship for what it is, and wouldn't trade it for anything else. But that in the past it had been true and in the future it would be true that the difference would lead to him leaving me while I'd never willingly leave him. At first he kept focusing on why he wouldn't leave me instead of the fact that he had. Then he concentrated on why he'd left me. But in the end he realized that I realized that therapy couldn't work if he was as attached to me as I was to him because he wouldn't have the objectivity needed. (I rejected the term "appropriate emotional distance".) But that that didn't mean that there wasn't a risk in it for me, or that it didn't hurt sometimes. And he realized he was trying to solve it instead of just accepting that it hurt.

I think I included this story on your thread because what you said to her and her reaction reminded me of it. You were sharing that you were feeling that you wanted something you weren't getting. That you wanted more. She was focusing on her side, and trying to tell you that what she was doing was ok, or being defensive. While missing the point that it really doesn't matter if she's right or wrong as much as it matters that it hurts.

In some ways this felt like the stupidest session I've ever had. In one of my dreams, he had cancer and wasn't seeing clients anymore and while I felt upset about his being unwell, I was also incredibly annoyed with him because it meant that I wouldn't see him anymore and my genuine affection for him as a person would really mean nothing. In the other dream, I had to cancel at the last minute, he couldn't fit me in at another time, and was going to charge me anyway. So when I found that I did have time to go, but only in my robe and with greasy hair and unbathed, I went, crossed my arms, and said that if I was going to pay I was d*mn well going to be there.

Getting into a big fight complete with tears over those dreams seems unbelievably foolish.

Yet...

I do wonder about something else though. Isn't this a topic that comes up many times between you? Her belief that you are critical in this situation or that? And your feeling that she misunderstands you?

Ok, another silly story. My therapist and I were once in that position about something. I honestly don't recall what. I think it might have been schizotypal personality disorder. We agreed to work on the concept until we came up with a statement on it that we both agreed with. The session(s) that followed were an exercise in diplomacy as we very carefully worked on wordings and ironed out our areas of disagreement until we came up with a statement that we could both freely endorse. Neither of us compromised our beliefs. We just came to an agreement on a way to see them. It served him because I was willing to take in what he was trying to say, and it served me well because he quit irritating me.

Or maybe I'm remembering incorrectly. I do that sometimes.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:794679
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