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Re: Sorting out my session today --long reply annierose

Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2007, at 11:10:41

In reply to Re: Sorting out my session today Dinah, posted by annierose on November 13, 2007, at 9:55:04

Wow, it sure sounds like you're onto something really meaningful. Maybe we should somehow "flag" those sessions when we leave thinking, "Humminah?" or feeling angry. It seems that I always wound up thinking more deeply and more productively after those.

Anywhoo, first I wanted to say this: It's perfectly appropriate, acceptable, and even nice self-care when a woman decides to get pampered and glammed up a bit for a special night or event. It's fun! I think that's different from someone who relies on grooming and appearance to get positive feedback, and thus who might feel like bring in the big hitters for a big night. ?? I still don't quite get her reaction, but then I think I'm firmly with you about this.

> My t was interested in my comment about her holding me in her mind. And I believe her when she says she does. She felt like that comment was important. Just before I said that, I was saying, "I feel like I need more from you, that you are withholding." She felt like that was criticism. Not sure where she draws the line.

That's interesting. You're telling her that you need more; that you're not feeling you're getting what you want/need from her, and she feels criticized. Isn't the apparent/perceived discrepancy as you experience it the issue?

> I know this juncture we are embarking upon is important. Simultaneously I want to run to my appointments and run far from them the very next thought. It's so confusing.

Ah yes. Approach/avoid conflicts. Aren't they fun? We usually don't have them about simple, mundane, low power stuff. So I think you're right, this is important. I know you'll work through this and come out the other side with new insights and so on. It's the getting there that's often tricky.

About ego boosts, or is it boasts? I've seen you use both, and I wondered if switching to "boast" was sort of a Freudian slip? Putting aside the eastern views of ego for now, if you think of the ego as the sort of executive who balances the needs of the id, sort of the primitive drives, and the superego, put roughly "societal norms and rules", then it makes sense that the ego might "want a little recognition" once in awhile for doing a difficult job. (Lord, I'm thinking of this as a little cartoon animation now...that's scary!) On the one hand, if the ego serves a highly demanding id, the ego might feel some gratification for meeting those urges that feel good to be met, but likely is feeling the weight of the superego's "displeasure", aka wagging the finger or worse. The ego might want to hear that it's okay to satisfy those id's urges, we're all human, etc. The ego might even believe that deep down, but maybe deflates and weakens under the critical eye of the superego. Or, a strong ego might be able to somehow counteract with self-talk or something, the superego's criticism, and is just fine with it all. But it's more likely that it would be wanting some kind of validation that the choices made are "okay". (I'm okay/you're okay stuff).

Now if it's the other way around...the ego is the slave to the superego, then it never feels like it's "good" enough. And you've got that hungry id back there not being satisfied either. This ego might seek out "gold stars" from society to validate the choices it makes in serving the superego, and yet a feeling of inadequacy or sort of a gut primitive human hunger, about which it might experience shame. What's a poor ego to do? Whatever it can to feel good in the world and in it's own "skin".

OMG, I have no idea why I'm rambling. I need to get out more. ;)

But back to ego-boosts. Have you ever known someone who brags a lot? Or sort of dresses or acts in a way that calls attention they way bragging would? What's the knee-jerk reaction--"Oh, that's nice" or something similar.

Whereas someone who's got a strong, confident, balanced ego (or back to eastern philosophy, one who has let go of the ego) doesn't need to call attention to appearance, accomplishments big and small, etc. First, they don't "need" this from external sources because it's well internalized already. And second, because they do have a strong ego, are balanced, etc., they probably naturally receive external validation from time to time because they are more freed up to be and grow and achieve.

If you stuck with this, thanks. I hope that whatever I meant to say is in here somewhere.

You're awesome, annierose, btw. I wanted to tell you that.

gg

 

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