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Suppressed Memories.....

Posted by oldschool305 on November 10, 2007, at 20:39:55

Possibly these are some of the causes of all the mental issues I am experiencing in life. Hmmm, I never even considered this... As I was lying in bed watching the First 48 hours on A&E, I decided to write down my hauntful past.

Age 8 - Red Neck drunk in VA lewered me into his apartment, pulled down his pants and revealed himself to me. I ran away and went home. Don't remember if I ever told my mother.

Age 11 - A young couple, maybe in their mid 20's, extremely overweight, used to invite me and my friend Jennifer over into their apartment for candy. They would perform sexual acts on each other in front of us. I don't remember much, but I remember they had a coffee mug that said "I'll show you mine if you show me yours". They made me and my 11 year old girl friend kiss for them.

Age 11 - I fell off my bike as I was riding home one day. I was riding a boys bike and I fell on the bar and seriously injured myself. I was bleeding pretty badly and doctors thought I was raped. I honestly was not raped.

Age 12 - Mom was always working and left me home alone. The neighborhood drunks from the local bar would watch me and take me to eat. Some were nice, some were very mean drunks but I was locked outside all day, had to wait at the neighborhood bar/restaurant for my mom to come home.

Age 14 - I was sitting at the bus stop at midnight, waiting for the K bus which apparently stopped running at 10:30. A van pulled up and offered me a cigarette, I accepted. He got out of the van and sat with me at the bus stop. Kept insisting that I get in the van. I refused, he jumped in the van, pulled it into reverse, opened the sliding door and threw me in. I screamed at the top of my lungs and starting kicking him. He took off, I ran to my friend Alex's house who lived 2 blocks away while the van drove around the block 4 more times looking for me. My friends father came out with a gun and chased him down the street. I called my mom who refused to pick me up.

Age 14 - Started using drugs, LSD, Cocaine, Marijuana, Booze, you name it. Hung with the wrong crowd. Yet I was very active in music and after school activities.

Age 15 - First inpatient hospitilzation for drug usage.

Age 15- While using drugs, met a photographer who took nude photos of me and my teenager friends. Some of my friends slept with him. He lewered us in with drugs and money. He was eventually caught 10 years later, is now serving a 150 year sentence for child pornagraphy for sleeping with minors while he was HIV positive and not notifying his victims. you can totally google this pervert (Angel Rafael Mariscal).

Age 17 - Lost my virginity to my boyfriend, Senior year in high school. Still using drugs and alcohol. Yet, I still graduated from high school.

Age 21 - Had a Cocaine overdose, almost died. Now suffer with all types of mental health issues including panic attacks, anxiety, depression, hypoglycemia, and high blood pressure.

Age 21-26 - Several hospitalizations (5-6) for drug/alcohol usage, and mental health issues.

Age 27 - Heavy drinker, almost no drugs except prescription medications. Trying to get my life together but struggling very hard. (i am on the wagon right now, hoping to quit drinking foreveR).

I think it's time to see a therapist.




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