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Re: Pragmatism antigua3

Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2007, at 11:21:39

In reply to Re: Pragmatism Dinah, posted by antigua3 on November 8, 2007, at 6:27:13

I suppose with any given person it doesn't matter if expectations are reasonable or not. :( They're either likely to be met or not likely to be met, and that really has little to do with us. After all, it is possible to find people who are willing to meet quite unreasonable expectations, and others who through lack of effort or lack of willingness or just lack of the ability are unlikely to meet even the most reasonable expectations.

In fact, I can probably count myself in both categories at different times and situations. :)

And that's where I need to add high standards to the recipe for happiness. Because without them, low expectations can lead to a different sort of unhappiness.

My cousin once asked me where I found such *nice* boys to date. I didn't say so out loud, but I was somewhat taken aback. It wouldn't occur to me to date anyone who wouldn't be classified as "nice". Any particular boy might not have met my expectations of minimal date behavior. And it would be silly of me to take one who didn't and try to hope he'd become one who did, or to convince him that he was supposed to. I'd be far better off lowering my expectations for that particular person and enjoy what contact I had with him without actually considering him a suitable candidate for dating.

So lowered expectations for individuals, but high standards for what I felt I deserved? Basic things like respect and I suppose "niceness".

So I think that might be the key to happiness.

But I think about those things, and I have since I was a child. And I suppose in some ways it is a rather cool way to live a life. That's what worries me. I think I maybe should be more warm and spontaneous.

(And not to say that it doesn't sometimes take me a while to recognize that lowered expectations are a wise course of action in a given situation.)

 

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poster:Dinah thread:793593
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