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Re: Pragmatism - trigger possibility Dinah

Posted by DAisym on November 6, 2007, at 20:32:24

In reply to Pragmatism, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2007, at 13:03:52

In the business world we call it "people skills." Knowing how to get what you want from people, no matter what the relationship, is typically a good and wise thing, as long as you don't hurt them, or yourself to get it. So no, I don't think you are cold or manipulative, except in the strictest, non-negative form of that word. By definition manipulating is manuvering to get what you want. But again, most people wish they were better at this.

I agree with you - I think we co-create in therapy. It isn't just one person's thoughts or feelings in the room. Because a client/patient simply can't help but respond to the overt and hidden signals being sent from the therapist. If you are talking, and someone yawns, as much as you want to dismiss it as not about you, it is hard not to think, "hey, am I boring you?" or some such thing. And I think we can also tell when we are discussing something that is "OK" vs something that makes our therapists uncomfortable. We might push forward anyway or we might back track and test the waters a bit. But we are responding and so are they.

Last week I was talking about being little and throwing up in a corner of my room. I've mentioned this before in therapy under different context, no big deal. I've just always known this and when I think about that room and that house, it is one of the things I remember - I guess because it was a weird thing to do. But I've never been the least bit curious about it. My therapist asked, "why did you throw up?" Now, he could have asked, "where was your mother?" or a number of other questions. But he didn't. And this question set me spinning and popped down another memory and I was so angry at him for asking that...

It was totally the give and take of the session that sent us down this particular road. If he'd let it go, or been half asleep, or a number of other things, we'd likely be working on something else this week. So, it was my job to talk, and his job to listen, but it was also my job to give him things to question.

It takes two - I completely agree.

 

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