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Re: Pragmatism angela2

Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2007, at 17:34:15

In reply to Re: Pragmatism, posted by angela2 on November 6, 2007, at 15:35:51

I suppose because while I feel emotions in my relationships, I don't necessarily act on them. Or I choose how to act on them, depending on what results I want. I tend to know what behaviors get me the results I want, and stick to those.

And, for example, with my therapist my antennae is always up. I feel how he's responding to me and zig and zag in my approach in response. It's not that I'm not frank with him. I certainly am. It's more that I question the way I present the truth to him.

With other people, like my mother for instance, I'm not necessarily as frank. I know what I can reasonably expect from her. I know what will encourage her good and bad behaviors. And I tend to adjust my expectations and behaviors accordingly.

It's almost always in some part of my mind whether my approach is getting me the results I want. And if it's not, I'm willing to adjust my approach as needed. And I try to keep in mind what I really do want. And whether how I'm acting will help me achieve my long term goal.

If I figure a long term goal with any given person is impossible to meet, I'm likely to either walk away or to downwardly adjust my expectations and desires to meet what they can give me. I try not to invest much in any one relationship until I'm reasonably sure that it is good and healthy and reliable. And even then, I probably hold some emotional caution in reserve.

Overall, I'm not particularly sorry that I am as I am. I even have a reasonably good idea why I'm that way. It was my job in my house to keep my warring parents on reasonably good terms. To keep the peace. And since they were both fairly volatile, I learned to think things out and change course rapidly if they didn't respond the way I expected.

But I certainly can't overlook that my approach to relationships is more practical (which is all pragmatic is really. doing what works) than maybe it should be.

Thanks for wading through my muddled thoughts. :) I sometimes wrap myself up in circles with them.

Also, I might be overstating the case somewhat. I certainly have attached like a leech to my therapist, and stuck with it even when there was no way to explain it with logic. Perhaps I'm feeling more than normally practical right now, and I find it difficult to remember when I'm not feeling that way.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:793593
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