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Re: what's wrong with this guy?

Posted by rskontos on November 6, 2007, at 9:08:10

In reply to what's wrong with this guy?, posted by Dory on November 6, 2007, at 8:30:44

Dory, I hope you don't mind me saying so, I don't want to hurt you in any way, but this thought came into my mind as I read your thread that we you included, I don't want you to think it is only you I include myself and probably other babblers will see themselves too, are worriers. We I think partly due to the nature of how we have been treated worry about everything. If we disclose now is it too soon, if we wait is it too late. It is because IMHO that our world we know isn't safe and we worry about how to keep it safe. The relationship we forge with our T is so one-sided to us we give so much of ourselves to them and we only sometimes get a glimpse of their lives so it is easy to worry about what they will do with that information. Information for the most part we have hidden from others for maybe most of our lives. We open up to our T before trust is thoroughly established so that is another worry. And even if trust is established we all know how tenuious if is. We know it can be ripped out from under our feet at any moment so we again worry. So I wondered if that isn't what you are doing in your relationship with your T maybe pushing to see how far you can push to see how much you can trust him before he walks. Because we all don't feel loveable or even likeable maybe we sometimes try to sabetoage mispelled the situation before they walk first. I hope I am wrong but something to think about.

I care bout you and worry too. It is ok to push yourself but not too hard. Are you pressuring yourself too much. IN part so he runs first just like you thought he would. Dont do that to him or you. Just let it flow like it should and try to work on what you need to get better. If you can just try and trust yourself and let the trust between him and you develop as it will or wont is ok. I don't think you have to trust completely to get work done. I don't trust mine T completely yet I am making some slow progress. I don't trust me either but I must try to trust her and me. Heck I didn't trust anyone here either at first and fought that. Revealing things here was the biggest step I took. It made it easier for therapy. Remember too that we all have had people leave us and we survived. If he leaves you, you will hurt but you will survive. So the reality is is he does walk away it will be bad but you will be ok. I don't want to hurt you but you can and have survived alot. I know you don't want to lose him but you would be ok. So don't push it. He does see you for what you are a great person. The hiring part it doesn't matter. He is a caring person. So are you saying you cant be helped and he should stop trying. Is that what you believe? I don't trying believe he would do anything to hurt you. Having the key to diffuse you will only help him understand you better. Which might help he find a way around the wall. I hope so for both of you. I don't think you are unhelpable. Is that a word? I have to believe that we all are helpable. I want that for all of us babblers!!!!




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poster:rskontos thread:793550