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Re: struggling with T caring - B2chica

Posted by Dory on November 3, 2007, at 19:51:20

this is my time limited posting and the thread had moved so far up... and i know you probably won't read this until Monday.

>the thought of that look, i'd usually get it Before i'd say anything...that's why i rarely talked.

when i was little i was only talkative around people i knew... but events changed things and after that i talked nonstop really... so i guess i went the opposite to cope... i got the look a lot, but that made me talk more.. if i get nervous i talk a lot, even now...

>and later on, the look usually meant she was twisting things in her mind again...

my mom didn't do this, there wasn't an anger thing, more of a guilt/embarrassment thing.. she'd get upset if she felt i'd embarrassed them somehow

>i don't know what you'd do if you actually had a bad mother)...ya...i wonder.

mine would cry.. and play the reverse psych role.. ie, "i'm such a terrible mother" No guilt there.

>her look lasting 5 seconds could bring on 12 different kinds of shame, guilt for breathing and feeling worthless and completely invalid.

yeah.. i understand. For me it was the guilt of not being like them, the whole lot of them seemed the same. i couldn't/can't complain no matter what... b/c then i am the irritant, the pushy one, the sh*t disturber. yeah, all my fault.. no matter who does what, as soon as i protest, it's all my fault

invalid... my T says that a LOT. He says i never ever got any.




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