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Re: it's nighttime again LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by muffled on November 2, 2007, at 18:14:44

In reply to it's nighttime again, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on November 2, 2007, at 16:38:04

> llurpsie's brain has been in an electrical storm lasting many hours last night. It is sleep-deprived and is reacting to extreme stress by sending out physiological symptoms of depression- early morning rising and loss of appetite.

> llurpsie's heart is broken because she has convinced herself that she is unloveable

Lurpy is NOT unloveable, she just is scared and keeps others at a specified distance...
> Llurpsie has fewer coping mechanisms now that she has told T she won't self-injure. Something to numb out would be especially welcome right now.

> Is terrified that pdoc will medicate the hell out of her if she tells him the absolute truth. Is well aware that she can fake being normal to avoid this consequence, but that in doing so she denies herself the chance for someone to intervene.

Its hard when in a muddle to know what to do...
I wonder if your docs are well aware of how you mask stuff?
Maybe not.
> Has been told before that the reason she gets treated with aggressive psychopharmacology is because she "scares the hell out of her pdoc"

I think to some extent its due to your articulateness. You express stuff well when you do express it.
> Mirth is her stylish reaction to traumatic stress. At the core of the mirth is a deep terror and withdrawal from reality.

I kinda gathered that. Thats sorta what prompted my skeptisism in a previous post. Sorry if that hurt you :-(
> Llurpsie has been fooling folks for years that all is well.
> She fooled you too?

But if I say one always manage to get thru the tough patches.
You remind me of another poster, and now that i think about it, me too to some extent, of how we convince ourselves that we not that bad off, while inside we are frozen in terror.
Your formative years where you were supposed to learn SO mUCH basic 'stuff' were totally messed. So now you need to regroup and learn this stuff. That is what I am trying to do. Its so very hard to do after the fact. There is SO much we don't know. The simplest things that others do automatically we can't even conceive of the notion, let alone DO it.
I've gone from lying in bed, in terror, thinking I'm dying cuz my throat is closing up, to realizing that that feeling indicates sadness, and that its and emotion, and it will pass. Seems so simple.....sigh....
So do what you need to do to get by, and try to keep learning and pushing forward as you have been doing. I wonder if you would benefit from a 'group' or if there are any in your area that would be applicable to you?
Take good care, this will pass.
Goto go.




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