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Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:48:00

In reply to Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 17:58:22

Thanks again to all you Babblers for being so supportive. You get it so much better than pretty much anyone else in my life -- it's hard to imagine how I'd get through this without all of you.

I am doing a little better as of this afternoon. The depression/anxiety has lifted enough that I can fake it at work, which is good. I'm afraid I've worried pretty much everyone. And I've been trying to fake it, but I just couldn't pull it off. So I've told everyone who's asked that I don't feel well and haven't been sleeping well (what an understatement that is).

Tonight, I made T talk about our hospital plan again. It occurred to me last night that she didn't so much AGREE to the plan as she said, "I understand." (This was in response to me saying the hospital didn't help me -- just made things worse.) So I explained to her tonight that I really had to know that she wouldn't do that to me. That she would trust the plan we've made and trust me to hang in there as long as I can, but that she also had to know that it's MY choice whether or not to continue to treat this depression. I pointed out that no one could force me into treatment for any physical illness and that I don't think anyone should be able to force me into treatment for this. I reminded her how little of my life I've actually been in control of and told her that I *have* to be in control of how long I live like this. It is the bluntest I've ever been with her, I think, about this subject. What she said was that she legally couldn't promise me that she wouldn't force me into treatment, but that I needed to trust the relationship we have and her history with me (she is not the one who forced me in before) and know that she agrees with me. So I guess that will have to do.

I'll keep all of you posted about how I'm doing. The weekend is coming -- T has a plan for checking in with me. But I dread going back down to the well.

And it turns out the threatened loss of my little guy (from ex's new relationship) is triggering LOTS of emotions about the hysterectomy that I didn't see coming. So I still have lots of work to do. I'll do it as long as I have the energy.

Thanks again to all of you for the great support.




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