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Re: Blurting DAisym

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 17:42:40

In reply to Blurting, posted by DAisym on October 30, 2007, at 19:04:30

I was going to say that I can't imagine expressing anger in an angry way to my therapist, when I realized that that statement is ridiculous.

After all, I'm the one who called him and as he answered screamed that he was a "sh*t faced b*st*rd" before hanging up with as much of a slam as I could manage on a cell phone. He still teases me about that.

Mind you, he really deserved that in context.

But I also remember that I used to get angry with him a lot, and call and tell him so, then learned to say so in session as it happened.

But short of the sort of behavior that earned him the angry phone call, it is true that I can't at the moment imagine expressing anger to him in an angry way. I can and do tell him politely when he does something that makes me angry. But my approach rarely varies from the attitude I ordinarily take with him. Nonconfrontational.

I think I *am* afraid of hurting him, but not by angry words. He's not likely to be hurt by my angry words. I don't really think that I'm afraid he'll be angry with me. He does get angry with me, not usually in response to my anger, but often enough that I know that his anger doesn't last and won't hurt our relationship in the long run.

I think it's more likely that I'm afraid my anger can hurt our relationship on my end.

I think mainly that our relationship currently has a form that would find anger out of place. I don't know if I can explain that properly. I always visualize sessions as they approach, and lately I've been visualizing myself as a kitten butting my head against his hand in an attempt to gain an ear scritch. Hissing and scratching wouldn't feel right.

Maybe it's time in your relationship to let him see your anger? And maybe it's hard to let him see that because it isn't how you want him to see you? But maybe that's why you're supposed to show him that side of you?

Just a thought. But it always seems to me that our relationship goes through phases. And in the absence of outside influences that intrude, those phases usually have a purpose. Maybe this too has a purpose?




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