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Re: struggling w T caring B2chica

Posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 8:37:48

In reply to Re: struggling w T caring, posted by B2chica on October 31, 2007, at 7:56:17

you're a doll B2.. i say it over and over, not because the others here are not wonderful people, because they are, but because i think you need to hear it over and over. Take your eyes off of the abyss and look into an emotional mirror.. see your true self reflected back. (book recommendation: "how to see yourself as you really are" by The Dalai Lama)

this T and i frequently return to the he-me relationship discussion... and i think we need to do it again. i drift away from the connection easily and with all this crap going on... well, i need connection more than before.

he doesn't explain the here's-what-we-do thing mostly because he doesn't have a structure like that.. i think i would revolt against too much structure.. he is allowing me to define what structure i need and i like that. But it also means that sometimes i end up in deeper water alone.. it's a trade-off i guess. But he is a good T and he never ceases to surprise me.. i know as soon as i say i need help with this he will be right there.

he says he finds me challenging, but in a good way. i am grateful because i know he likes that and then i can relax that i am not boring him. i know he likes the fact that i think on this stuff a lot, so it's not the same-old same-old and it's not short-sighted so much.. you know, the middle aged man who just now realizes he won't be president or something. i'm not dull (with my purple and blue hair).. he has to mind his P's and Q's.

he said i should write sitcoms actually.. which i thought was an odd thing to say. i think he meant it as a compliment but i hate sitcoms.

"it wasn't 'nothing'..."

i want that. i want to *believe* in that. but for 32 yrs i have believed it was nothing. i was told it was nothing. People knew and did nothing. It was brushed aside so no one would cause a fuss, no need to have the neighbours know. What would the church people think? What would other parents think? What would the town think? No, no, no... we mustn't have that. Ssshhhhhhh... nothing happened and we're all ok. :|




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