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Re: llurpsie's notes from bad childhood good life DAisym

Posted by RealMe on October 30, 2007, at 23:45:47

In reply to Re: llurpsie's notes from bad childhood good life, posted by DAisym on October 30, 2007, at 18:47:14


I am with you on this. My stuff hit me three years ago this coming January. I developed all sorts of physical problems--well I probably had them before but ignored them, but had to have 3 surgeries in 2005 with two of them being cervical spine surgeries. Got diagnosed with COPD, GERD, sleep apnea, basal joint something or other, later cataracts from the asthma med's, and on and on. I am not remembering them all and don't want to.

But I started to get really depressed, and WHAM all the stuff from childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood started to overwhelm me. I still resist getting into stuff. Who the hell in their right mind would want to get into the feelings that they had as a child while being abused, whether it be mental, physical, or sexual. And yet, this is what my T says I need to do so I can integrate the feelings with who I am now. We go back and forth between the past and the present, making links and looking at my strengths now too. It is damn hard work, and yet I don't feel like I am a victim, a survivor, or a conquerer. I am just me doing what I need to do. Period. The alternative is to stay depressed to the day I die and that could be sooner rather than later if I do nothing.

My T as I have said (for me) says that it is therapy that is the answer for me, not the ECT, and not meds. I think he is absolutely right. So, I try to manage the pits and the anxiety by my own means. With anxiety, I try to do some mindless activity. Depression, rather than crawl in a hole under the covers, I try to do something even if it is to stay up and watch a TV show that I could care less about. I still take 40 mg. of Parnate a day as he says not time yet to cut back. This can be a real bitch when you go to a party like I did tonight. I think I must have eaten something off limits as now I have a damn headache but not a bad one.

RealMe (Oz)




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