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Re: llurpsie's notes from bad childhood good life

Posted by DAisym on October 30, 2007, at 18:47:14

In reply to Re: llurpsie's notes from bad childhood good life llurpsieNoodle, posted by RealMe on October 30, 2007, at 17:49:05

The Universe is just weird sometimes...my therapist and I talked about the "Loving What Is" book today. I haven't read it, he has. We were talking about the difference between passive acceptance and personal power. You can accept what is, I think, and still use your personal power to effect change and move beyond hurtful or painful situations.

But the victim/survivor/conquerer things is much harder for me. I'm with Oz --- I never thought of myself as a victim and I sure as heck wasn't a survivor. I was just me - going on with my life and doing a pretty good job of it. And then WHAM - there it was. I talked about this in therapy today too. What was it, 4 years ago, that opened up this can of worms? Why then? My therapist talked about midlife crisis, which is very real for the psyche, as well as the external triggers that were happening. I asked him why he believed me -- sometimes it is hard for me to believe what I remember. He said it all fit and a bunch of other stuff. So now we just have to work through it and get to that acceptance part.

I think this is just one of those things that is irreducible. You can't simplify it into choosing to be a "victim" - you were, by definition. You don't get to choose being a "survivor" either - you are, by definition. As far as a conquerer, what does that mean? Because to me, that still feels like you are tied to the trauma, using it to define yourself.

And I can't help feeling that the reason people want you to stop talking about it, to stop thinking about it, or remembering, etc, is because it is too painful FOR THEM. They believe it would be better, because they think if you don't talk about it, it won't be so present for you. I think that can be true, but since abuse victims are usually made to keep silent, keeping the secret, not talking about it, keeps them isolated and alone. It is repressive - but I understand how utterly incomprehensible it is for most people so it is a natural impulse to want to avoid the subject.

 

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poster:DAisym thread:792330
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071022/msgs/792389.html