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Re: I Hate Role Playing Poet

Posted by Dinah on October 28, 2007, at 11:54:13

In reply to Re: I Hate Role Playing, posted by Poet on October 27, 2007, at 15:40:53

I'm not sure if it's true around the country, but in this area it's not at all unusual for the boy child to be the spoiled one. Especially if there is only one boy.

Often it's the daughters who quietly take care of their parents and meet their needs, while the love and devotion are lavished on the son.

And sometimes it's the really awful ones who the parents spoil most. Maybe they're resentful of the ones that are caring to them? Or feel guilty at the way the other one turned out, so are invested in covering up their flaws? Because if they admit it they're also admitting their own inadequacies as a parent? If that's the case, the more they see or have pointed out your brother's behavior, the more they'll (she'll) defend it.

Whatever it is, it's their stuff and is nothing to do with you. You are the perfectly wonderful Poet, who is worth the world, no matter what her parents acknowledge.

I think it's great that you want to do the right thing with your parents. But you need to do that while protecting yourself as much as possible. If that means not putting them to the test by telling them everything your brother did, that's perfectly reasonable and understandable given their behavior. You don't have to apologize or explain the limits and boundaries you put on your interaction. Especially if explaining it just leads to more trouble. Go to your husband's family for thanksgiving (or imply you did and have a quiet dinner at home). Pick up your parents at the door, and firmly change the topic if it comes up to how wonderful your brother is. If your mom is more of a problem than your dad, it might be fun for the two of you to get him away from the others and do something special yourselves. I used to bring my father out to lunch, just the two of us, as a regular gift to him.

You are fine. They are... well, they are who they are. You might need to protect yourself from them, but when the boundaries are in place your relationship might be better than ever. I found with my parents that when I clearly outlined my limits, we got along much much better.

 

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