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Re: Pdoc/Real Me asked why I wouldn't shake hands RealMe

Posted by antigua3 on October 27, 2007, at 7:27:21

In reply to Re: Pdoc/Real Me asked why I wouldn't shake hands antigua3, posted by RealMe on October 27, 2007, at 1:14:56

Thank you for your concern. You and others have outlined some very specific issues for me to think about and work on.

So, at our next appt., I am going to ask the following questions:

1. What are your goals for our treatment together?

2. What is your treatment plan for accomplishing these goals?

3. If you don't believe in going over the past, how are you going to help me get over my father issues, mainly confront the anger and let it go?

4. Based on his answers, I will ask him if he thinks I should see someone else. (I, of course, will make that decision regardless of what he says.) I will release him from his promise that he wouldn't abandon me abruptly if that would be in my best interests.

5. This one is complicated. I stay with him because many of my feelings for my father have been transferred onto him. Not all of them--the anger is the most important one because I've never dealt with it effectively--but I have not transfered the love, idealization or any of the sexual issues. We started discussing this, but ran out of time, but what I want to know is if he can effectively deal with me despite these angry feelings I have for him; or should I find someone who is more loving, caring, etc. Do you understand? Can I do the therapy with someone who brings out the worst? Can we surmount that obstacle? To me, that IS the therapy. He asked me what the ideal pdoc would be for me, and I said there is no such thing as ideal for me. I don't believe in them, because you (meaning me) only get hurt. Been there, done that. I have no desire to get wrapped up in a messy set of emotional issues with him. I don't need that from him, and I don't want it. Also, while it may sound stupid, I know loving and caring are important parts of the process, but I do have all of that and more with my T. She is my rock, and hopefully she & I will be actually be the ones to work through the deepest father issues. So far, we haven't been able to because I can't put her in that role, and believe me we've tried. So using the pdoc is helping us to get unstuck.

All that said, I would never do anything that I thought went against my better judgment or mental health. I am stronger now, plus my T would never let me.

I know so many of you don't agree with me, and I understand and accept that. You may be right, but there is too much unfinished business to stop with my pdoc right now without answers to these questions. If I feel he is too unyielding, I will stop. And although I post a lot of negative things about our relationship, some parts of it are strong and very helpful.




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