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Re: Coming to terms with CSA emily99

Posted by RealMe on October 27, 2007, at 0:49:23

In reply to Coming to terms with CSA, posted by emily99 on October 26, 2007, at 11:29:15

For me I knew all along and have never forgotten the times or men who sexually abused me when I was younger, or the kinds of relationships I had later too.

What I did was try to deal with it all on an intellectual level, and it worked for many years. It hasn't been working for the past several years as I started to get more and more depressed.

My therapist talks about how with me it is going to mean integrating the feelings from back then with who I am now. I don't like to re-experience my feelings from back then and even into my 20's, but I think my T is right that the feelings have always been there and were just buried. SO, I did not bury the memories which I could talk about just fine on an intellectual level. It is when I start talking about and re-experiencing the feeling from back then that I exeperience a lot of pain. Also, there then becomes the whole issue of dealing with my T who is male. I think it is good I have a male. First, I never had a father around. Second, my abuseres were all male, and in part I was looking for a man to love me. Third, I can finally have a different kind of relationship with a man, one that is caring and not abusive.

I have to agree with others, this process is extremely painful, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But it is also true that we survived it, and so we can survive the therapy too.





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