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Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist Dinah

Posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 5:49:55

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2007, at 9:28:29

I will follow your advice and read the book you reccommended. I think I can get it on I hope it helps. I'm so confused. Maybe I'm not actually "in love" with her. I've lost the people I confided in and depended on. She's all I have left. When I thought I had lost her too, that's when I started thinking I felt more for her than I should. Maybe I've just become so dependent on her, I can't bear the thought of losing her, too. You see, this is the second time I've lost touch with her. The first time it happenned was after I had been seeing her for about a year. I showed up for an appointment one day and was told she was no longer there. She had left for a position closer to where she lived{about an hour away.} When I asked where she went, no one would tell me. All I got was the run-around. After 11/2 years of phone calls and ranting and raving, someone finally told me where she was. I scheduled an appointment with her and told her I had been trying to find her since she had left. She was furious and said they knew where she was all along and should have told me the first time I asked. After all of this , the thought of going through it a second time was more than I could bear. I was much more attached to her after eight years. I think that's how I ended up such an emotional wreck. She had left her position. She needed some time off. She was weighing several job offers. She was going through some personal things. She knew I would want to continue seeing her. I continued to see a therapist where she had been. At first, he couldn't tell me anything but as soon as she got settled she notified them as to where she was and they passed that info on to me. I've been seeing her since March. Thank God I found her when I did because 4 of my relatives died within the 5 week period between 1/31 and 3/7. What are the odds of that happenning? I've been showing her the obituaries just so she can see the names are either the same as mine or my mother's maiden name. I know she doesn't doubt me but it is almost unbelievable. With all of the other losses, I've had enough. Hopefully, next year will be better. I do agree with you. Things do seem to happen when I don't see her. When I saw her in March I handed her a summary of everything that had happenned since the last time I had seen her. She read it and just shook her head. I wrote about how many tears I had shed but the most recent tears had been tears of joy. Joy that I had found her and would be seeing her again! Then I gave her the cards telling her how much I appreciated her and everything she had done for me over the years and how much I regretted not telling her that sooner. If I hadn't found her, I would have lived the rest of my life beating myself up for not saying what I felt when I had the chance. I guess I learned an important lesson from all of this. Tell someone how you feel today because you might not get the chance tomorrow. I think I've come to the conclusion that I love my doctor but I'm not in love with her. I've seen 7 or 8 other psychiatrists but I've never felt comfortable with them like I do with her. I guess that's what makes her so special and why at a very vulnerable time I thought I felt more for her than I did. Does any of this make sense to anyone?




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