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Re: Allowed to HUG my Therapist???? moonlightsonata

Posted by red house on October 22, 2007, at 7:36:39

In reply to Allowed to HUG my Therapist????, posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 19:33:18

welcome -- i'm a newbie myself and mostly a lurker, but i wanted to say hello.

i think what you describe in terms of your intense feelings of connection and closeness with your T and your desire for a hug are really all very okay and normal. i think it's probably a sign of really good therapy and a strong relationship that you've built with your T. i think a lot of us -- at least i know i do -- struggle with feeling like they need too much from their Ts or that our Ts are too important to us. for example, i had a complete freak out the other week when i, due to traffic, missed almost my complete session. i yelled at my T on the phone and was livid, all in an attempt to mask the panic i was feeling about not seeing her. she called me on it and it felt good, actually, to acknowledge how important it was for me and that she knew that too and was completely okay with it.

i suspect, too, that your T will permit the hug, especially under the circumstances. my first T, who had very rigid boundaries around touch said that the only appropriate hug would be at the end of our work together. (i had asked during a particularly difficult time in my life around the midpoint in our work together and she turned me down.) so i think it's probably likely that it's just something you have to ask for, i hope.

best wishes for you -- i can really feel your pain and sense of loss over the end of this relationship. please honor that loss for yourself.





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