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Re: How do we really forgive ourselves? **csa trigger* RealMe

Posted by antigua3 on September 16, 2007, at 0:40:26

In reply to Re: How do we really forgive ourselves? **csa trigger* antigua3, posted by RealMe on September 15, 2007, at 23:07:31

Lots of good questions. My father once threw my mother down the stairs when she was pregnant, and the baby died, and I'm so glad that didn't happen to you! It wouldn't have been better. You are here, you are valued, you are making great contributions to us here at babble, and I'd bet you're a pretty fine lady, so get those negative thoughts out of your head!

No, there has never been anyone else. I loved my father-in-law--he was a great guy, but I didn't love him like I love my father. I've never had male mentors because I despise authority figures so much! and I've tried to stay away from men who remind me of my father (my little alarm goes off, and I go running). I am trying to deal with this with my pdoc, but I don't have great hopes for it working out.

My mother hates my father, as does everyone else in my family. He left us when I was about 9 or so, but I ended up back with him when I was a teenager.

I told her about the abuse a year or so ago and she responded that she would have called the police on him. She was very kind. But I've never discussed the abuse in detail w/her and never would. I am dealing in therapy with my anger toward my mother and I think it's going well. I tend to protect her.

You're right about the anger. It needs to come out, and I've tried and tried, but I end up taking it out on myself with self-destructive behaviors (or I used to). Daisy will tell you that I do have a soft bat that I have used to beat against a wire fence, which helps sometimes, but it doesn't get to the root of the problem.

Thank you for your compassion. And I'm sorry for what you had to go through, too.
best,
antigua

 

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