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Re: How do we really forgive ourselves? **csa trigger* Daisym

Posted by antigua3 on September 16, 2007, at 0:26:24

In reply to Re: How do we really forgive ourselves? **csa trigger* antigua3, posted by Daisym on September 15, 2007, at 23:05:07

Thanks, Daisy. Everything you say is true, and I've heard it and been through it a million times but it doesn't fit. something is wrong with how I feel. I can't explain it. I understand about holding opposing view points, etc., but my feelings are out of proportion to the situation. From experience, I know this and I'd like to fix it.

I know there is no way I could have prevented the abuse. I was just a body, conveniently available to him. He had women all the time--not even affairs, but just sex. So I've worked past the "I was special" part to knowing that I was irrelvant; it's as if I was a lower form of life--there was no consideration of me as a human being, much less his daughter. That's an awful thought to ponder...

I know I couldn't tell anyone--there was no one safe to tell. I couldn't hurt my mother; he was hurting her enough as it was, and I had a sick younger brother she had to care for.

So why do I hold onto this love for him? And why can't the shame go away?

Well, there's always something to work on...
best,
antigua

 

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