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Re: things don't feel right

Posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 21:42:14

In reply to things don't feel right, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 15, 2007, at 19:47:05

> I feel unstable. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do or how to do nothing.

**ahhh, welcome to my world...

> T says that one thing that he's noticed is that I tend to give myself a hard time because i have some idea or ideal of what to be. That being a certain person involves the whole package- having a certain occupation, a certain lifestyle etc. That I shouldn't strive to be what I'm not, who I'm not and embrace who I am.
> Who AM I?
> I'm not what I do. That much is clear. I work in a coffee shop and write on psychobabble and knit and write scholarly articles. That would make me a crazy knitting caffeinated author. Not exactly my image of myself.

**Hmmmmm...... NO COMMENT!!!!LOL!!!!

*I'm a crazy turning in circles, trying to be good and act normal but failing, overweight, lazy, inconsistant, NOT cool, mom. Acccck. THIS was NOT my dream....
I think I need to mourn the loss of all my dreams...
And come up with some new ones...
> I'm not what I ought to do. That much is clear. When I tried to steer myself into a career trajectory for which I had been trained, the psychic revulsion was tangible and threatening.
> I'm not what I want to do. What if my dreams never come true. Will I cease to be? doubtful.
> Maybe I am the 2nd derivative- change itself. rather than being a line, I will embrace the sense of being some parabola or accelerating body. Change over time is my only definition. Doubt that T meant to frame my existence in terms of calculus, but there you have it.
> looks like I'm not the only one hitting the xanax tonight.
> I just ate a chicken. Therefore I am.

**I ate sushi, therefore I am too.
I am the sum of who I am.
Put all my peices together and that is me.
Far too complicated.
Just trying to make it thru.
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One second at a time.
Being a socially acceptable useful member of society.
A work in progress.
Ever growing, ever changing.
Sometimes falling backwards with a crash.
Sometimes crawling ahead, sometimes running!
Sometimes, lotsa times, just plain lost.




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