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I never processed termination *Suicide ID trigger* Honore

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 15, 2007, at 17:45:07

In reply to Re: why such a sad Noodle?, posted by Honore on September 15, 2007, at 14:26:35

I think quieT just ripped off the bandaid sealing my wounds from termination with newT. Maybe that's why it hurt so much, because it felt like my safety net was being removed when I was in the middle of the high wire.

Right now I'm living a pretty high pressure lifestyle. I'm doing really well, all things considered. I'm just a lot more resilient than I was even a few weeks ago. A fight with h a few minutes ago just showed me that I'm plenty vulnerable, however. Dinah knows too- ((((Dinah)))) maybe she and I both need better coping mechanisms. I only took my Rx dose of xanax. I was messy last night. I hate the feeling of those old dark thoughts creeping up on me again.

honore's right-- it's a damned situation. hmm
And a big problem with the whole thing is that he brought it up and I deflected and he wasn't able to bring the convo back to frequency of visits, so I'm left extrapolating (it's okay muff. extrapolatiion is natural), and my mind so easily contemplates the worst case scenario.


I'm tired, so tired.




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