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Re: why such a sad Noodle?

Posted by Honore on September 15, 2007, at 14:26:35

In reply to Re: why such a sad Noodle? RealMe, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 14, 2007, at 21:24:34

Llurpsie, you almost sound like you have (one of) my syndromes-- the damned-if-you/damned-if-you-don't syndrome.

That's where there's something wrong with everything you can do-- For example (this shows how far the syndrome can go):

I noticed this right at the beginning of T with my T. A delivery person had shoved an brochure-type ad (which is the bane of NYC apartments) under the door. It was lying on the floor right behind the door when I opened it. I thought-- maybe I should pick it up, to be polite. But then I thought-- no, my T will think I'm snooping or poking into his private stuff (ie the brochure-- ie, extremely sensitive material--there were about 200 of them scattered in his entryway).

But then I worried--- um, maybe if I don't pick it up, he'll think I'm inconsiderate; and he might hurt his back leaning down, and then that would be because of me.

But, as I agonized over that, I also realized: I didn't know where to put it, if I did pick it up!! should I hand it to him (too personal? too forward?) ---or put it on the lamp table (makes a mess, not where he wanted it); if not those two, where????????????

After a long time in horrible angst over this, I finally picked it up and with great trepidation, handed it to him when he opened the door. He didn't seem to react, but I was so upset by then about what he might think, that I spent the first part of the appointment asking him if it was okay that I picked it up, handed it to him, etc-- what "should" I have done, etc etc. He said whatever I'd like to do was fine, either way. !

That's how far some people (me) can take this syndrome. So you're far from cracked-- although, if it helps, you're probably (I hope you don't take this the wrong way.....) not perfect either.

But really, sometimes you think you can't win. But actually maybe you can't lose.

He could be very interested and maybe have many reactions of his own, and want to talk about what it means to you, or why/when/more about what you wrote. (Or could that be another thing you're afraid of--I know I would be.) In the end, you'd be glad, and get a lot out of, showing him-- I'm sure.

Honore


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poster:Honore thread:782448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/783053.html