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Re: cant stop crying today wishingstar

Posted by Dory on September 14, 2007, at 7:58:20

In reply to Re: cant stop crying today, posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2007, at 1:24:39

dearest wishy...

i know you won't read this right away but i had to say *something*

"if only I was a little prettier, a little more interesting, a little less crazy and needy..."

why, please why...why do you think/feel this has *anything* to do with you? i mean, your feelings do, of course, but what HE is doing has nothing to do with you with the exception of the fact that you're allowing him to do it. He is responsible for his behaviour. You know that. You know too how how a child develops the idea of magical thinking and believes they cause other people to do/say/feel things. Nothing you do can *make* him do anything. My T is fond of quoting Ellis "..no one's hand ever reached over and picked up a cigarette without making a choice.." He chooses his own behaviour and reactions and it is dispicable (sp?) that he pours his accumulated past feelings onto you. You deserve love, attention and affection as much as anyone else. You are not unlovable.

i know full well what it feels like to be so afraid to express how you truly feel to someone you care about. The fear they will be angry, upset or worse...that they will leave you. The fear that they are somehow able to word things to make it all sound like you are just being ridiculous...that it really isn't that way and it's all just you. i call it crazy-making.

if you feel rejected, then you FEEL rejected. if you feel you are not being attended to then it is a valid feeling... you're not crazy. It's not crazy or too needy to expect affection.

you aren't too needy by having needs

i know that when we have been rejected and abandoned it causes us to feel needy and to actually be needy too... where that line is can be hard to find, but sometimes that isn't an issue and i think this is one of those times. He ignores your feelings, rejects you openly and repsonds poorly to your needs. No grey area there sweetie.

you and i both know that all of this is easy to say, and i wish you could do as i say and not as i do... i am a hypocrite of huge proportions. But i care about you. i hope you can find the strength to take care of *you*


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poster:Dory thread:782444
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/782818.html