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Re: See T today - after the 'suck it up' comment seldomseen

Posted by Honore on September 10, 2007, at 10:05:07

In reply to See T today - after the 'suck it up' comment, posted by seldomseen on September 10, 2007, at 8:07:42

That comment seems so completely out of bounds for a T to say to a patient. I know my T sometimes gets mad at me for being self-undermining-- and will yell at me-- and sometimes isnt' comfortable on the phone when I'm hard to comfort. But that seems like such an extraordinarily heartless response.

Is there any precedent in your relationship for his feeling or words? I can't imagine how I would deal with it if a call for support were greeted that way.

I would hope you don't let it pass without discussion. But I also hope you can bring it up in a relatively calm way (I never could)-- because it seems much more effective a way at getting at what the person had in mind. I'm sure he must have either had something in mind (I hope) or been in some other way very disturbed-- and let you inappropriately get the brunt of it.

If you can possibly be non-accusatory, I find that works much better. Once they feel accused, people (my T anyway) can get defensive and then it takes time to work that through-- before you can get to a more productive discussion of what was going on. If your T does care about you-- perhaps he had a good impulse that he felt was frustrated, and he turned hurtful. If you can at least unearth the good impulse behind it, it could lead to the two of you beginning to handle that situation better in the future. And also to your forgiving him and feeling closer.

I hope your appointment goes or has gone well.

Honore


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poster:Honore thread:781959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/781989.html