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Re: Younger parts/selves - long/trigger?

Posted by DAisym on September 9, 2007, at 15:35:40

In reply to Re: Younger parts/selves Wittgenstein, posted by twinleaf on September 9, 2007, at 9:42:23

I've written about this before but I still struggle with this concept. If it hadn't happened to me I'd never have believed you could feel completely 7 or 9 or 11 years old. I'm not DID in the sense of losing myself to parts. But there are definately encapsulated age states that have their own feelings and memories about things. And when I feel these parts, sometimes I want to give in and just let that part take over - talk from that age and ask questions. I never give voice to a younger part outside of therapy or journaling. But I can and have felt young at weird times and it does make life difficult. Boy -- this is so hard to explain.

Most of the stuff I've read about "inner child" or feeling young talks about recognizing a response to something that is coming from a childlike part of ourself. For example, being afraid of the dark. Most children are afraid of the dark and we may find those fears surfacing, even without reason. We can then recognize those as "young" fears - with or without reason - and we soothe ourself most often by using adult intellect. (there is nothing in the dark to be afraid of.) I'm taking it a step further and saying that when I feel young - I can access the feelings exactly as they were when I was that age - and my adult may or may not sit along side this younger part. For example - my 7-year-old self has a lot of anguish about getting out of bed in the middle of the night. If she hadn't done that, etc. The adult me knows it is OK for a scared 7-year-old to get out of bed and no matter what she did, she didn't deserve any part of the csa. But the 7 year old, when she kicks in, expresses her anguish straight out, not tempered by what the adult-me knows. And my therapist responds to her directly, answering questions and soothing her. If the adult-me were to express the same sentiments (and has) he'd challenge me, do some reality testing, etc. He never does that when I'm in this younger place.

We talk about this all the time in therapy - my need to be young to work through some of this. I'm worried a lot that it is a cop-out somehow, or that I'm being weird or weak or something. He just wants me to let things happen as they are happening and he is totally OK with talking to the younger parts. I feel completely crazy - like I said, if it wasn't happening to me, I'd never believe it. But having questions asked and answered this way has allowed thinking shifts that resonate deep inside and are not just intellectual constructs. In this way I believe I'm feeling the definition of healing - I don't just know it. Last week my therapist said, "it makes total sense that these younger parts need to glom onto me - you don't like them much." "Glom? - great, now I glom (rhymes with bomb)" But he was right.

I'm sure now you all think I'm completely over the edge. *sigh*




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