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Re: Frustrated and unhappy with T Racer

Posted by Girlnterrupted78 on September 9, 2007, at 14:53:33

In reply to Re: Frustrated and unhappy with T, posted by Racer on September 7, 2007, at 12:11:53

>From my reading of your post, I didn't get "insecurity and anger," so much as one particular style of doing therapy. I wonder if something might be going on inside you that might be worth exploring more, that you see it this way.

I guess it's something that I sense from her. When you see facial expressions, comments, behavior in general, you get a sense of the person you're dealing with. She in fact, at some point, when we became honest (or basically when I forced honesty from her) she said she felt afraid of saying things that would offend me or make me angry. And every time she gives any opinion, she starts by saying "Well, I don't want you to think I'm trying to judge... etc.. " She goes on and on about making sure I don't take her the wrong way, and I always reassure her and tell her to just say whatever she thinks.. She also said "Sometimes I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself because I feel I might offend you.." I am only paraphrasing because I can't remember the exact way she said it.

But why is she afraid of offending me? I have never complained, not even once, about being offended by a comment she's made. It's the opposite, the fact that she seems so insecure and unwilling to participate out of fear is what has been bothering me a lot. Why am I dealing with an insecure person in therapy?

In fact, during a difficult session when we argued, she said I had told her I was 'offended' or 'felt she was judging me' by a question she had asked about my brother. That was clearly a LIE. I am one of those people who would probably never use 'offended' or 'judged.' In fact, I love it when people bring up the wrong stuff, because it's a challenge for me to provide facts that they would have never thought of. I remember exactly the comment she made, and I recall I did challenge her back about what she said, as a way to engage her in the conversation, and because I noticed she was not getting what I had explained to her. But she felt it was an attack, when it was only a way for me to engage her deeper into the problem, to make her see things from a different point of view. She felt I was being hostile.

I think there is a whole mix of things here, and it all comes down to me thinking she is not really qualified and seems too afraid of being there. I remember my happiest day with her was when she came to therapy really pissed about my saying I was unhappy---because I finally saw a trace of confidence in her, and felt that finally I could have a strong, real conversation that would leave me something out of the therapy.

But unfortunately, her anger was accompanied with a few lies and sarcasm, which didn't help much. I remember that day I was very calm and even thanked her for the session. But then things kind of went back to being what they had been, and now I'm only angry about the lies and sarcasms she used that day. Because they simply served to show me her true character.

Thank you for your comments on my situation.




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