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Re: Younger parts/selves twinleaf

Posted by Wittgenstein on September 9, 2007, at 11:40:07

In reply to Re: Younger parts/selves Wittgenstein, posted by twinleaf on September 9, 2007, at 9:42:23


Thank you for the explanation. This makes a lot of sense and is really important for me to understand. I hadn't really thought of myself as dissociating. In T I mostly describe my earlier traumas without feeling them - as if I am talking about someone else, not me - rather as if I am an on-looker. A few memories are blurred and vague but most are accessible. I tend to experience feelings of guilt and betrayal after such sessions (although I would be the one betraying myself, an earlier self by 'telling' or 'trivializing' these experiences) - at times I doubt myself - doubt anything actually happened as they feel so removed and they were denied and concealed at the time.

The experience you write of between you and your T sounds so powerful and healing. I haven't experienced this (although have only been in therapy for a matter of months) - I wish I could experience this though. The few times in session that I have been acutely aware of childhood traumas (experiencing/feeling them through my own eyes as a child) I tend to retreat into myself and into silence - perhaps a couple of times I've felt his presence in those moments (rather than my completely leaving that space altogether and feeling in 'free fall' which is what usually happens) but I don't think there is the trust there yet to feel the 'moments of meeting'. I can't stop assuming that he is thinking negative thoughts behind his empathetic exterior and thinking I am lying - although he insists this isn't the case. I suppose a real/complete sense of trust and safety is something that one has to work very hard for.





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