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Re: work; relationships and inconsistent personali

Posted by Deus_Abscondis on September 8, 2007, at 10:10:06

In reply to work; relationships and inconsistent personality, posted by anotherpam on September 7, 2007, at 1:15:11

Hi anotherpam,

great question - this one has had me stumped as well. My recent dabblings in Buddhism and meditation is that my self is ultimately underpinned by nothing.

The circumstances of my childhood and upbringing has meant I haven't established strong ego boundaries. I am in the words of one pdoc a chameleon and will change my colours to please
often at my own expense and detriment.
Fortunately, I don't have a strong trait to directly manipulate others to my own ends without a conscience. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with work colleagues who are in authority and are psychopaths. Often they get the better of me before I wake up and because I am gullible and initially complaint it becomes difficult to insert new boundaries or shift them after the fact.

I think one way of looking at yourself is to try and identify personality traits and values or preferences. There are heaps of personality tests (online) that you can 'play' with and see if any results resonate with you.

What values do you hold to - how do these define you? How do values you chose to behave by influence strategies and behaviors when dealing with others?

What aspects of your character has perdured over your life? Are these aspects of your character ones that you admire in yourself, are they strengths or ones that you don't like so much or perceive to be weaknesses.

Another approach is to ask trusted people you know to tell you what qualities they perceive in you - you may need to implore them to give the negative ones and you should be prepared to hear things that you might not like.

It is a big challenge to re-enter the workplace after such a long break, well done!

Self loathing is I think more common than I think people might know. It's not a very nice emotion to have. You have the right to be you as anyone else has the right to be and that includes some self doubt - it's not just a weakness; people who are overly self assured and stiff can be difficult and unproductive - having some fuzzy edges means you can adapt - don't let others exploit that you might not have made your mind up about every aspect aspect of your being.

Self confidence also comes in knowing ones skills and competencies.

Satre said 'hell is other people' but self acceptance is just that bit easier if someone accepts you for who you are not just what you can do. Being for others can be disturbing if you don't define yourself independently of them.

You are more than the sum total of your experiences and the conditioning that you have adopted but reviewing these can help you move forward. We are all in the process of becoming.






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