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Re: Ugh! That T word again -- not tintinabulation...

Posted by DAisym on September 7, 2007, at 19:24:29

In reply to Ugh! That T word again -- not tintinabulation..., posted by Racer on September 7, 2007, at 1:30:36

"Ever since that blasted missed appointment, I've been feeling so needy, and that brings up all sorts of horrible things for me. I can hear the times my mother told me that I was too needy, and it drove everyone away from me."

I wonder what it was about the missed appointment that has left you feeling so needy? Was it the awareness? The timing? or was it what happened when you didn't speak up - you didn't get an appointment and she left...?

Our mother's voices are so loud because our brain sits so close to our ears. I wish there was a way to make our intellect inform our feelings but I haven't figured that all out yet. I tend to gather evidence about her being right - and ignore the pile that says she is wrong.

And perhaps what my therapist said to me this week applies to you too. When we need, we show our soft underbelly. And that was always problematic when we were young because someone took advantage of their access to the soft underbelly and invariably stuck a knife in it. So we want to protect it, role over and not let anyone touch it, even if it hurts and needs attention. It is confusing and scary to need someone. It gets more confusing and scary the more this someone meets our needs - because then MORE needs show up. Ug.

I am so glad you are talking about this. I'm glad she is pushing you on it too. How did it feel to hear she was talking to HER therapist about you? (and aren't you dying to know who her therapist is?)

Take care. This is hard but necessary.




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