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Re: Is avoidance really so bad? Dinah

Posted by Racer on September 6, 2007, at 12:45:36

In reply to Re: Is avoidance really so bad? Poet, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 11:28:22

Funny, I just read a short piece in New Scientist about this. I can't remember the context, although I think it was the Indonesian tsunami, but the results were that talk therapy, addressing the disaster directly, actually made it *more* difficult for the residents of the area to recover. How's that for turning the simple side of our belief system on its ear?

I, Racer the Really Groovy, give you special dispensation to avoid discussing this matter with your therapist.

Do you feel better now?

Seriously, though -- what you're talking about does sound more like realistic assessment of the situation and acceptance of the reality you live in. Poet is right. (She often is, except when discussing her own qualities -- she's a smart 'un.) And, even though it would be nice if we could consider our Ts as blank slates we could throw anything at, the reality is that they're not -- and we know they're not. I'm struggling with that, over my T's loss of my appointment last month, and will probably talk about exactly that issue today -- why do I hide my own feelings to protect hers? What you're talking about, though, is a bit different. You're talking about the reality you're both living in.

For me, I tend to think in terms of conditional trust, in all of life. Just as I don't trust my husband in certain areas -- like practical things, cleaning, cooking, etc -- I don't trust my T in certain areas. So, anything in those areas, either I do the SuperDoubleRigidControlFreak routine, and address those issues -- "This is important, I don't want you to interpret this, I want you to tell me what I've said and I'll correct you until you and I are really and truly talking about the same thing, as much as any two people really can" -- or I put it aside to wait for another period in my life. It sounds as though you've put some of this aside, because talking about it with your T won't do you much good, realistically. That just makes sense to me.

I hope that helps. You know me and incoherent rambling...


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