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Re: I'm jealous

Posted by Wittgenstein on September 5, 2007, at 16:35:35

In reply to Re: I'm jealous, posted by Sigismund on September 5, 2007, at 14:35:43

I suppose the key to the difficulty in discussing the relationship is the inability to go about it indirectly. The other issues people have mentioned - the subjectivity of sex, body image etc. can to some extent be side-stepped and talked about objectively but telling your T that you care about him/her, that you miss them... it's so direct and confronting. I suppose you could breach the topic by asking about transference and feelings within the therapeutic relationship - what is normal - bring the topic into the open and then maybe later return to it with something more subjective.

I have managed to tell my T that I miss him - having spent most of the session in silence torturing myself over whether or not to say it. I also wrote to him some time ago and admitted I had been comforted during the vacation by the thought of hugging him - the session that followed was extremely uncomfortable for me.

To be honest I find all of these 'icky' topics very hard - I'm notoriously indirect and my T knows as well. The best I can often do is write very vaguely about whatever it is (a cryptic message) and send it to him. He then reads it... so I know he knows, but then we both continue somewhat pretending that such things were not communicated - I know he just wants me to talk about these things but it's so hard - he sometimes asks me to try and talk through what I sent him but he isn't overly direct - I guess he's willing to wait until I'm ready.

As for whether it would be easier with a female T - I personally don't think it would be as I have trust issues with women and trust is a key part in getting to a place where such personal things can be shared openly. I do wonder whether it might be easier in my case if my T were a bit younger - he's so much older that perhaps this heightens the awkwardness - but I'm not sure.

You're not alone Llurpsie.





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