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Re: Needs, wants.....bleck DAisym

Posted by JoniS on July 16, 2007, at 21:11:07

In reply to Re: Needs, wants.....bleck Dinah, posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 0:58:55


> This isn't a sexual fantasy at all. This is a warm partner fantasy in which I'm not alone anymore.
> Therapy is so painful right now because of these feelings.
> I'm with Tender, I want to yell at him.


Your post is almost EXACTLY where I am with my T. It is very painful right now because of all the feelings I have for him - relationally, not necessarily sexually, but sometimes that too. I keep trying to tell myself that there are those things that I would not like at all about him. Like I think he must be a golf snob - one who thinks beginners like me dont belong on their course, or maybe when he gets mad at his wife he talks mean to her, or maybe he is a health food fanatic - doesnt love bread & butter & sweets like me. There are just too many things that I love about him, and that I get from him. I am really working on accepting that the healthy T relationship is the best of all worlds, but it is a struggle. I don't want to, but I compare him with my DH who betrayed me but I stayed in the marriage. I try hard to appreciate all the good things about my DH, but my T always comes up way above. In T we talk about my fantasy, and my idealized view of him, but I have a lot of reality - about what he is like, and I want to be with someone like that.

I went to T today and I told him about over the weekend I walked out of a store with my DH just as the sun was going down and made the most breathtaking view with the clouds and the color. My first thought at that moment was that I wish I was here enjoying this with T. When I told him that he was very understanding and accepting of it. He always makes me feel comfortable about talking about my feelings for him and tells me it is normal, especially after what I've been through. He is so encouraging (yet safe) the bond that I have with him. He has also told me at times that what I'm doing is one of, if not the most difficult thing a person can do in a marriage. That helps me continue.

Guess I'll stop there. I could go on and on.





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