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Re: Needs, wants.....bleck DAisym

Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 9:37:31

In reply to Re: Needs, wants.....bleck Dinah, posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 0:58:55

I'm sure you've shared those thoughts with him. And I'm sure that he responded warmly, although the answer may have been "no". "No" still hurts, but you aren't wrong for wishing or wanting or being angry with him.

I guess I'm not in a position to fully understand. I don't get what I get with my therapist with my husband. My husband's gifts run in other directions. But I do have him to hold me and snuggle and I appreciate him and our marriage.

While I know that I would end up hating my therapist (and vice versa) if I were married to him.

So maybe I'm lucky in that whatever I want from him, I want within the confines of the therapy office, or other standard therapeutic methods of contact.

Mind you, the answer is "no" to a lot of what I want from him too. I think I have a good understanding of the ways that he does care for me, and the ways I wish he would care more for me. And sometimes it hurts a lot that I care for him so much more than he cares for me. Or when he moves to a different chair because I'm too close. Or when he casually comments about assessing his future in terms of what's best for his family, when I want to scream I'm family too. He's my therapist/mommy, so surely I must be his client/little girl. Yet I'm not.

He knows all that too. And still the answer is no. It's a warm no, and a caring no, and an occasionally exasperated or even angry no (if he's feeling a bit guilty about the no). And generally we have an unspoken agreement not to trod on those tender spots. But we came to that after we fully fully explored everything, and I came to a certain peace about it.

So perhaps my input isn't overly helpful since my wants aren't really the same.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:766025
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