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Re: Jammer, how's it going?

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2007, at 18:42:13

In reply to Re: Jammer, how's it going? TherapyGirl, posted by jammerlich on July 11, 2007, at 17:46:56

> Yes, that is VERY much what it's like for me and I will NEVER get tired of people here knowing exactly what I'm talking about. While it sucks that other people are in the same boat, it helps so much to know I'm not alone with it.

You and me both. I think my first 20 years with my T would have gone better if I had had the benefit of Babble and the wise people here. Having people who know exactly what I'm dealing with in regards to my relationship with T is more priceless than I can explain to outsiders.
> You're so right about the time it takes to dismantle those walls again. If she takes another vacation this summer, it'll be months before we get anything accomplished. It's awful, longing for her so much when she's sitting right there. And even asking all the right questions. But all I can do is mutter, "I don't know" or "It was hard" while all kinds of detailed things are screaming in my head.

Me, too. One of the strategies I've used over the years (and yes, sometimes it works better than others) is to not let the silence take over. In other words, I've discovered the longer I sit there saying nothing the harder it is to say ANYTHING. So I try to just force the words out -- even if they're stupid words and even if I'm horrified after I've said it. I will give my T this -- she usually can pick up and run with whatever I've managed to get out. And somehow she knows how to elicit further information and eventually get to the heart of the matter. But I can't always make myself do it. And sometimes I say, "You talk." And then if she picks wrong, I say something along the lines of, "You guessed wrong." As you can see, I'm a complete joy to do therapy with. :-)
> I also think part of it is that I can tell by the things she says and does that she really heard some the the "complaints" I raised before she left and is making an effort to do things differently. It feels wonderful and terrifying at the same time. I'm overwhelmed that she's doing it and have no idea how to respond to it. Then, I get frustrated with myself for acting all retarded when she does exactly what I asked. I wonder if part of the "terror" is the idea that she might do other things I want, too? (Probably followed by my acting even more like a freak)
It's scary to have someone try to give us what we need, isn't it? I mean, we're all (or at least most of us) so used to not showing that we need anything because we never got it before. And here is this person who is sort of handing us these things we need on a silver platter. Who wouldn't freak out? In my experience, at least, the few times I got what I needed from the people in charge of caring for me came at a huge price. So it took a long while to get past waiting to see what it would cost me.
> You couldn't pay me enough money to be my T.

I'm guessing you're not as "delightful" as I am. Remember me? I'm the one who accused my T of being a big fat liar last Fall because I drove by her office when she was on vacation and her car was there. And I immediately went to, "Oh my GOD. She didn't want to meet with me this week so she lied and told me she was on vacation." And not one single other explanation fit so neatly in my mind.

And then both T and I have been delightful lately...

Hang in there, Jammer. I think it will be worth it in the end.




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