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Re: Having a difficult time and T is too kind

Posted by OzLand on July 10, 2007, at 21:11:42

In reply to Re: Having a difficult time and T is too kind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 10, 2007, at 18:40:25

I am still in limbo at work; see therapist tomorrow. We had just done one session of really getting into the emotions of first time I was abused at age 7-8. I decided I had to try to trust him, and I found out I could. I was an emotional wreck and felt like I have left this little girl behind for way too long.

Why didn't I deal with this crap at Menninger's. Well I am now. I used to have split off parts similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder, what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, and so different parts did not know about what the other did. I was able to integrate all the parts at Menninger's, but then I locked it all away for the rainy day which obviously has more than arrived.

So, here we are starting to delve into this stuff; I finally take a deep breath and jump in, and then the work-related stuff comes up. It is so distressing to me, and I wish I could say what it is, but I cannot. So, until that is all resolved, here we go again putting the abuse stuff on hold again.

It was really weird to recognize myself as a little girl again. I had found a picture of myself as I was going through my mother's stuff (which I still have not finished doing since she died in 1996 of a botched colonoscopy). Anyway, I see myself still back there and wondering how come I left me behind for so long and then start to feel guilty, and so I knew I had to do something. No more excuses.




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