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Re: whats worse for a daughter....

Posted by B2chica on July 10, 2007, at 11:41:59

In reply to Re: whats worse for a daughter.... B2chica, posted by antigua3 on July 10, 2007, at 9:00:54

>> You'll be OK, but you have to take care of yourself. Is there a teenage girl in the neighborhood who can watch her while you nap? Say, take her for a walk or something so she's in the stroller?

actually there is a really nice girl that i trust in our neighborhood (i like her mother very much) and they've both offered to watch DD if needed. i may take them up on it.

> My husband thinks everything is my problem and always has,but after all the T I've done, I've realized how much of our dissention is about him, and not me. I'm easy to step right into guilt and take responsibility, but I accept now that's it's not all me.

you're right, i guess i'm so used to taking on the responsibility of things it just comes naturally to do so.

> I've decided to stay in this marriage for many reasons, but it does mean tolerating some things I really shouldn't have to sometimes. It's not easy, but it has always been impt to me that my kids have both parents (I know it's not for everyone, we all have to make our own decisions!)

its nice to hear someone else saying these words...i often feel guilty for 'putting up' with it. but i really feel that our love is there. he is a good man...and i will do what it takes to make it work. it just gets hard when i feel like i'm the only one trying to make things better.

> Your daughter will know what is appropriate because you will teach her by your actions and deeds, and that doesn't mean that you will always have to point it out to her w/regards to your husband. That will just make her defensive. Life is full of opportunities for kids to learn lessons and I always steal from others for examples when I don't want to get close to home!

thank you for these words. i guess. i'm just so worried about messing her up that i forget that sometimes kids are a lot smarter than we think. and using others examples is a great idea.

i must say that the one thing i REALLY dislike that my DH does. is he almost uses the child in an argument....
like this morning i brought DD into our bed to feed (4:30ish) my alarm goes off at 5:15 so i just thought i'd make it easy. and she fell asleep there (she always does sleep nice in our bed) anyway i got up and did my morning things, got ready to leave to work and came in to tell DH how babies milk is thawed and in fridge, gassy med in cabinet-she may need it...then DD started to rouse and cry... DH said "yep, mommy just HAD to wake you up, she doesn't like to see anyone sleep".
this really bothers me 1)he's putting words in my mouth (not true assumption) i don't want DD believing such things, 2)being passive aggressive -bad habit to learn and 3)making me some bad person toward daughter. he does this a lot. when he's mad at me he'll say things To DD about 'mommy'. "mommy just doens't like to see daddy happy", "mommy spends all our money" (usually after i've been to the store to get baby ESSENTIAL items only-less than $20), "mommy's leaving you again" if i have to quick give her to him (run to the store quickly or even if i have to hand off for bathroom break!) i just don't think he understands that Children Don;t understand sarcasm...they are concrete thinkers the first many years of their life. and if Daddy says 'mommy doesn't want you to sleep" the child will believe that! it scares me the way he speaks sometimes...
oh well...this isn't your problem. i will talk with T about it. i see her this week.

thank you all for listening.




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