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Re: whats worse for a daughter....

Posted by B2chica on July 9, 2007, at 13:56:10

In reply to Re: whats worse for a daughter.... B2chica, posted by muffled on July 9, 2007, at 13:24:15

muffled...i'm so tired. so very tired. not of being a mom but of fighting. i'm just so tired of it.
anymore it seems like my spunk is getting fewer and farther between.
i've been thinking lately that all my life i've had to fight hard for any little thing in my life. it seems like no matter what the relationship i have,, my basic rights, beliefs and needs are not worthy of anything. i'm tired of my beliefs/thoughts/feelings being invalidated.
i get spunk now and again and fight and argue my rights...but why..can't my wishes just be i have this sign carved into my forehead that says argue with me, yell at me till i change how i believe, or until i no longer feel worthy. tire me out with yelling. i'm just not worth it?
i say i am...but anymore....

and i might be a good mom, but what good will it do if what i say is ALways combatted??
i Tell my DH that him berrating me will make our daughter grow up to believe it's ok for her boyfriends to yell at her...he just doesn't see that.

i guess what makes me really sad sometimes is i feel like i turned him into what he is now. maybe my being so screwed up and being used to being abused...somehow screwed him up and made him think its ok for him to act this way to me?
he is a good man, though many do we all. i love him very much and will always do everything to make this work...but i'm tired of being the only one trying. of being the only one thinking that this is NOT ok to continue on.

muffled, i feel like i'm starting to get sucked down that black hole filled with shrapnel, never knowing where that next injury will come from...or when.
i think its time for me to start hanging on to things.
i don't want to become suicidally depressed again. i don't ever want to leave my little girl, before i can teach her things.
...thnx for your thoughts muffled.




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